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How to deal with an unprepared friend...?

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Re: How to deal with an unprepared friend...?

Postby jsdratm » Thu Jan 31, 2013 1:38 pm

For a while I was arranging hikes through a social website and had people show up in jeans and tennis shoes for winter hikes in deep snow, even though I told them specifically to bring boots and microspikes. It got to be too much, so I stopped doing it and went back to hiking solo. Now I'm in the CMC and trying to hike more with the groups that are organized there.

I would tell this guy straight up that if he doesn't get his act together you won't hike with him anymore. His unpreparedness could become a major liability if you do get into an emergency situation (or even cause an emergency situation).

Re: How to deal with an unprepared friend...?

Postby MonGoose » Thu Jan 31, 2013 3:06 pm

evaunitross wrote:So, how do I find out about these meetups and happy hour? :) Is this a specific thing?

Show up next Thursday:

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Re: How to deal with an unprepared friend...?

Postby steelfrog » Thu Jan 31, 2013 3:07 pm

Somewhat of a prick wrote:Tell him to quit being a dumbass fuckhole and buy some gear if he wants to keep camping with you.


Two Thumbs Up! The Direct Approach!

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Re: How to deal with an unprepared friend...?

Postby TheOtherIndian » Thu Jan 31, 2013 3:45 pm

evaunitross wrote: I think I may do what some of you suggested and let him experience a cold (but not deadly) night and then make it clear that he has to take care of himself from now on. If he doesn't wanna continue hiking with me then thats cool, we'll probably still play video games and chill together occassionally.

Maybe look out for a camping spot and reserve a cabin nearby without his knowledge? That way, if the situation gets serious in the middle of the night, you dont have to wake up and hike out/drive at some uncomfortable hour!
"There's only one thing I hate more than lying. Skim milk. Which is water that's lying about being milk" -Swanson, Ron

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Re: How to deal with an unprepared friend...?

Postby scalba123 » Thu Jan 31, 2013 4:05 pm

Take him out to the middle of nowhere, leave him and then have someone (off in the distance) play banjo music...

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Re: How to deal with an unprepared friend...?

Postby SuperiorTrailHiker » Thu Jan 31, 2013 4:32 pm

I've got friends that I happily spend an afternoon with at a baseball game or happy hour that I'd never willingly hit the trail with. Hikes or climbs are a different animal than hanging out - finding people you're compatible enough with in an outdoor setting to have some fun along the way can be challenging, so I understand repeatedly doing excursions with someone like this.

That said, I wouldn;t go for any passive-agressive stuff. I have a few guys that I regularly hit the trail with and trust completely to be ready and able to do what we've planned to do. A few others have joined us at times, and every single time before a new person comes along, I send out a gear list to them and find a friendly way to make it clear that:

1. We all have families and are taking time away from them to do this

2. We have been planning for and looking forward to this for some time now

3. We are spending money to do this

4. You need to have the minimum gear on this list in order to be able to do this with us

5. While we have water filters, stoves and so forth that we share among the group, nobody will carry spares of other gear for you or go without because you did not plan

6. You don't have to be a rock star or a triathlete but you do have to be physically able to walk 18 miles a day / climb a 14er / build a shelter in the snow / whatever the case may be, because that is the activity we are going to do

Then I find a (still hopefully friendly) way to make it plain that failure on any of these points means that the trip we have all been looking forward to, spending money on, and taking time off for will be less fun than if Mr. Unprepared were not there, and we don't allow that.

You're welcome as can be, as long as you carry your own pack, in other words.

I've never had a trip wrecked, had a couple impacted by someone who just couldn't hack the miles or the trail when they thought they could, but no huge disasters.

Just be up front and direct - I am going to go do this; to do it with me you need to have this; happy to have you join me but make sure you use and double-check this list I gave you WELL before you find yourself fifty miles on foot from a two-pump gas station in 35 degree temperatures, because I will not help you if you don't.*

*Perhaps obviously, that last statement does not apply in cases where you need to render aid. If you're hurt or in danger, I got your back - if my whiskey looks good and you forgot yours, well sucks to be you, then.

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Re: How to deal with an unprepared friend...?

Postby semitrueskerm » Thu Jan 31, 2013 4:52 pm

Tell it to the friend straight:

"You're a disgrace to the climbing community. Turn in your trekking poles and ice ax at the next depot." :lol:

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Re: How to deal with an unprepared friend...?

Postby DeTour » Thu Jan 31, 2013 9:37 pm

mike_kadow wrote:
MonGoose wrote: but it sounds like a major difference between your friend and I, is cognizants (or conscientiousness?). That's hard to teach,

also hard to spell.
when you come to a fork in the road, take it.

Re: How to deal with an unprepared friend...?

Postby forbins_mtn » Thu Jan 31, 2013 9:41 pm

I've had to cut off a long time friend because he just whines the whole time. There's a certain amount of mental toughness that you have to have while hiking at altitude. He just doesn't cut it. When I want to rough it and do it the real way by bagging a couple peaks in a weekend all while sleeping under the stars for free, he surprises me by putting us up in the Mt Princeton Hot Springs and then talks me out of the second peak. Sure, that's great....but I can do that with the girlfriend. I don't even bring a damned toothbrush half the time I climb. And when we do climb he's a half mile behind me putzing, and i'm not even the fastest hiker. needless to say, i'm done.....

am i crazy?!!?!

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Re: How to deal with an unprepared friend...?

Postby winmag4582001 » Thu Jan 31, 2013 9:54 pm

steelfrog wrote:
Somewhat of a prick wrote:Tell him to quit being a dumbass fuckhole and buy some gear if he wants to keep camping with you.


Two Thumbs Up! The Direct Approach!


"Remember, you're unique, just like everybody else."-Joel Bernardini

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Re: How to deal with an unprepared friend...?

Postby MountainHiker » Thu Jan 31, 2013 10:44 pm

When I first started hiking fourteeners I still hung out with a more party crowd. A few of them went hiking with me at first and did fine. But as I got more serious about hiking than they did I found myself drifting away. As I met new people they tended to be other hikers and also non-smokers. That’s one of the realities of life. I still consider those old friends to be friends but don’t see them much anymore. It’s really up to him if he wants to take it as seriously as you do.
Red, Rugged, and Rotten: The Elk Range - Borneman & Lampert

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Re: How to deal with an unprepared friend...?

Postby jaymz » Thu Jan 31, 2013 10:59 pm

Seems like the kind of person who's just not the outdoorsy "type." I don't know him, but it's probably a waste of time and energy trying to convert him.
Doesn't mean you can't still be his friend, just that hiking isn't going to be one of those hobbies you share with him. I've got great friends with whom I've never hiked or climbed, but can sit with for hours around the poker table with good Scotch and cigars.
Looks like the best option is simply to expand your circle of friends, as others have suggested. There are too many great hikes to be had to waste them on people who don't appreciate them or do their part.


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