Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

FAQ and threads for those just starting to hike the Colorado 14ers.
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Rollie Free
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by Rollie Free »

shelly+ wrote: Sat Mar 27, 2021 11:57 am Be sure to claim that you're the "first".
I read on here not to long ago a guy reporting he thinks his climb to the top of an obscure mountain was a first.
They said they saw no signs anyone had been there. I cant imagine there being any signs lasting anymore than a few days. To claim it to be a first is mere fantasy.
"Quicker than I can tell it, my hands failed to hold, my feet slipped, and down I went with almost an arrow’s rapidity. An eternity of thought, of life, of death, wife, and home concentrated on my mind in those two seconds. Fortunately for me, I threw my right arm around a projecting boulder which stood above the icy plain some two or three feet." Rev. Elijah Lamb
d_baker
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by d_baker »

Cygnus X1 wrote: Sat Mar 27, 2021 6:45 pm If you're female, drive a green Subaru.
=D> :lol:
And call a 'medic' as quickly as you can!
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disentangled
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by disentangled »

be rescued from Belford.
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Matt
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by Matt »

If you do end up lost and needing rescue, be sure to post multiple times daily to make fun of anyone stupid enough to admit a mistake on a hike.
No one will admit it here on the forum, but if you hit golf balls off the summit with a 1 wood, you'll have earned the respect of the most seasoned mountaineers.
Drive a Jeep Liberty. No one will call you a pole smoker.
We are all greater artists than we realize -FWN
A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone. -HDT
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HikesInGeologicTime
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by HikesInGeologicTime »

Don't even think about attempting a Class 3 route unless you can climb a 5.15 unroped in the gym!

Not to say you shouldn't climb peaks in the winter, but you need to read that Jack London story, "To Build a Fire," and take its lessons to heart. Colorado peaks are SO cold and snowy and remote that if you're not prepared to deal with the potential consequences of an Alaskan winter, you're clearly not ready for a winter fourteener!!!!
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by dr_j »

Reminds me of one of my friends, a mild mannered Midwestern fellow, who was on his way up some peak in the Sierra, and encountered an out-of-breath hiker.

Hiker: Do you know where the halfway point is?

Friend: The summit.
IG: jc_solitude
ltlFish99
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by ltlFish99 »

Alpinefroggy wrote: Sat Mar 27, 2021 4:21 pm Always bring a double rack of trad climbing gear, runners for at least 20 rappels and as long a rope as you can carry.

Never know when you're going to need to protect a class 3 outcropping of rocks thats blocking your class 2 trail.
And do not ever forget the #4 camalots and several ice screws for protecting the hourglass after any unexpected freeze of the constant stream of water than runs down it.
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Alpinefroggy
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by Alpinefroggy »

ltlFish99 wrote: Sat Mar 27, 2021 10:31 pm
Alpinefroggy wrote: Sat Mar 27, 2021 4:21 pm Always bring a double rack of trad climbing gear, runners for at least 20 rappels and as long a rope as you can carry.

Never know when you're going to need to protect a class 3 outcropping of rocks thats blocking your class 2 trail.
And do not ever forget the #4 camalots and several ice screws for protecting the hourglass after any unexpected freeze of the constant stream of water than runs down it.

I agree,

I think you need that on the way up but I think bringing your kayak into the gully is also prudent. You can white water kayak down that stream. Avoids the bad ropes and the bad potential anchor at the top of the hourglass.

Also does it quick so you avoid the rockfall.
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Alpinefroggy
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by Alpinefroggy »

HikesInGeologicTime wrote: Sat Mar 27, 2021 7:43 pm Don't even think about attempting a Class 3 route unless you can climb a 5.15 unroped in the gym!

Not to say you shouldn't climb peaks in the winter, but you need to read that Jack London story, "To Build a Fire," and take its lessons to heart. Colorado peaks are SO cold and snowy and remote that if you're not prepared to deal with the potential consequences of an Alaskan winter, you're clearly not ready for a winter fourteener!!!!
That’s not good enough training. You need to be able to do a 5.15 with two pinky fingers. Otherwise you’re not strong enough for quandary.
pvnisher
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by pvnisher »

You mean "Mount Quandary Peak"
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cedica
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by cedica »

Never mention particular gully north of Castle on the forum, it brings bad luck.
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dubsho3000
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by dubsho3000 »

Don't pick up after your dog because other dogs eat their poop and it saves those other dogs' caregivers money. By the same logic, never dig a cat-hole for your poop. If you do bag your dog's poop, make sure to leave it in the middle of the trail or tied to a willow branch so you don't forget to pick it up on the way out. (Pro tip: someone else will probably take it for you!!!)

Bring your cat! It will be unique and ironic and the cat will LOVE it.

Also, pick the flowers and punt the marmots.
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