Example of how to do your first TR.

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osprey
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Example of how to do your first TR.

Post by osprey »

Behold, I Have Returned from a Hike

By Jason HayesSeptember 24, 2021
Friends, family, followers—gather whatever posts you possess of your pets or fancy latte art, and lay them at the altar of my nascent wilderness infatuation. I demand a sacrifice! There is a new force dominating your social media, clad in breathable synthetics, as our ancestors foretold.

If perchance you were wondering which of your acquaintances exchanged intimate whispers with Nature this weekend, while also besting it in an assertive display of athleticism, it was I. If you were wondering who among you felt the wind tussling their two-hundred-dollar zip-off pants, it was I. Fear not. I have returned intact—with several dozen selfies and the unwarranted belief that if you didn’t walk around in the woods yesterday your life is worthless.

For I, your former associate and now idol, went for a hike. Gaze upon my photos and weep.

Go ahead, scroll through this selection of pictures and question the depth of your inner life. It seems quite shallow, does it not? I even included one photo that doesn’t feature my face or a glimpse of my heat rash. Instead, it’s of a trail that I assure you appeared way steeper in real life, or maybe of a leaf that I thought looked really neat. I added it to convey the majesty of nature, because this experience wasn’t just about me—although I look great in a full-brim hat—it was about all of us.

That’s right. I just referenced the collective human experience. I waded deep into the primordial waters, and now I’m like Henry David Thoreau or Edward Abbey. Suddenly, I have strong opinions about how you should lead your life and I want to text them to you in all caps. That nine-to-five is a hamster wheel, man. Get out and break free! Release that fluffy, domesticated hamster somewhere it can truly thrive: the wilderness.

I’ve moved beyond the world you live in. I cut the tether. It was just me, the great outdoors, and the phone I relied on heavily for navigation, documentation, and a podcast to take my mind off how much sweat was pooling around my lower back. Nothing can compare to the type of awareness you feel when you take out your headphones and realize that someone has been trying to pass you for a mile.

Behold, my picture of the summit! While I’ve mastered several poses—such as Stoically Standing with Hands on Hips, which exhibits the resilience of the human spirit, and Looking Just Left of Camera with Open Smile, which suggests that sitting in a plague of mosquitoes is just one of those things which make me giggle—they weren’t quite right for this occasion. I have instead selected Stepping into a Sunbeam, because there was a break in the clouds and this natural landscape is just a playground of f***ing wonder. You’re welcome. Also, yes, it rained, but I assure you that it was more enriching to the soul than the stupid drizzle you got in town.

Join me, friends. It’s not too late for you. You can still be like me. I could loan you this book on how to find food in a snowstorm and take shelter in a rainstorm. There are only storms where we’re going. We could carpool. I’ll bring the bug spray. We’ll leave early, of course. Shall I pick you up at, say, five?
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"Rocks, mountains, snow and ice: what more do we desire?" - Reinhard Karl

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Re: Example of how to do your first TR.

Post by BillMiddlebrook »

Fail, dislike. Please move to peak condition updates section of the site and file under Mt. Whitney.
"When I go out, I become more alive. I just love skiing. The gravitational pull. When you ski steep terrain... you can almost get a feeling of flying." -Doug Coombs
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Re: Example of how to do your first TR.

Post by yaktoleft13 »

haha i feel personally attacked
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Re: Example of how to do your first TR.

Post by CaptainSuburbia »

osprey wrote: Fri Sep 24, 2021 12:11 pm Behold, I Have Returned from a Hike

By Jason HayesSeptember 24, 2021
Friends, family, followers—gather whatever posts you possess of your pets or fancy latte art, and lay them at the altar of my nascent wilderness infatuation. I demand a sacrifice! There is a new force dominating your social media, clad in breathable synthetics, as our ancestors foretold.

If perchance you were wondering which of your acquaintances exchanged intimate whispers with Nature this weekend, while also besting it in an assertive display of athleticism, it was I. If you were wondering who among you felt the wind tussling their two-hundred-dollar zip-off pants, it was I. Fear not. I have returned intact—with several dozen selfies and the unwarranted belief that if you didn’t walk around in the woods yesterday your life is worthless.

For I, your former associate and now idol, went for a hike. Gaze upon my photos and weep.

Go ahead, scroll through this selection of pictures and question the depth of your inner life. It seems quite shallow, does it not? I even included one photo that doesn’t feature my face or a glimpse of my heat rash. Instead, it’s of a trail that I assure you appeared way steeper in real life, or maybe of a leaf that I thought looked really neat. I added it to convey the majesty of nature, because this experience wasn’t just about me—although I look great in a full-brim hat—it was about all of us.

That’s right. I just referenced the collective human experience. I waded deep into the primordial waters, and now I’m like Henry David Thoreau or Edward Abbey. Suddenly, I have strong opinions about how you should lead your life and I want to text them to you in all caps. That nine-to-five is a hamster wheel, man. Get out and break free! Release that fluffy, domesticated hamster somewhere it can truly thrive: the wilderness.

I’ve moved beyond the world you live in. I cut the tether. It was just me, the great outdoors, and the phone I relied on heavily for navigation, documentation, and a podcast to take my mind off how much sweat was pooling around my lower back. Nothing can compare to the type of awareness you feel when you take out your headphones and realize that someone has been trying to pass you for a mile.

Behold, my picture of the summit! While I’ve mastered several poses—such as Stoically Standing with Hands on Hips, which exhibits the resilience of the human spirit, and Looking Just Left of Camera with Open Smile, which suggests that sitting in a plague of mosquitoes is just one of those things which make me giggle—they weren’t quite right for this occasion. I have instead selected Stepping into a Sunbeam, because there was a break in the clouds and this natural landscape is just a playground of f***ing wonder. You’re welcome. Also, yes, it rained, but I assure you that it was more enriching to the soul than the stupid drizzle you got in town.

Join me, friends. It’s not too late for you. You can still be like me. I could loan you this book on how to find food in a snowstorm and take shelter in a rainstorm. There are only storms where we’re going. We could carpool. I’ll bring the bug spray. We’ll leave early, of course. Shall I pick you up at, say, five?
?
Some day our kids will study Clash lyrics in school.
Nothing drives people crazy like people drive people crazy.
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osprey
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Re: Example of how to do your first TR.

Post by osprey »

BillMiddlebrook wrote: Fri Sep 24, 2021 12:22 pm Fail, dislike. Please move to peak condition updates section of the site and file under Mt. Whitney.
Bill
The thread is being interpreted in a manner completely different than how I though it would be. It was not meant to be offensive to anyone.
Please delete the thread for me if you would.
"Rocks, mountains, snow and ice: what more do we desire?" - Reinhard Karl

“I breathed in the air on the summit and liked it better than the air below.”
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Re: Example of how to do your first TR.

Post by BillMiddlebrook »

I get it. Nor was my comment intended to be serious- it’s the response I give when a trip report is a “fail”. Minus the Mt. Whitney part, of course.
"When I go out, I become more alive. I just love skiing. The gravitational pull. When you ski steep terrain... you can almost get a feeling of flying." -Doug Coombs
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Re: Example of how to do your first TR.

Post by Boggy B »

This would have made my week but that you had posted it as an actual TR, because as you know I'm unable to signal "It sounds like you're cool enough to play in my sphere," or, "Amazing, but I caught the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy" without a Like button.
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two lunches
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Re: Example of how to do your first TR.

Post by two lunches »

i needed this laugh today. thanks, OP :lol:
“To walk in nature is to witness a thousand miracles.” – Mary Davis
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Re: Example of how to do your first TR.

Post by OldTrad »

:thumbdown:

Your summit photo didn't have you holding a sign showing the peak name and elevation as "proof".
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Re: Example of how to do your first TR.

Post by bdloftin77 »

Boggy B wrote: Fri Sep 24, 2021 2:25 pm This would have made my week but that you had posted it as an actual TR, because as you know I'm unable to signal "It sounds like you're cool enough to play in my sphere," or, "Amazing, but I caught the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy" without a Like button.
There’s still time! Make sure to post it under Mount Better-than-anything-y’all-have-summited.
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Re: Example of how to do your first TR.

Post by greenonion »

CaptainSuburbia wrote: Fri Sep 24, 2021 12:51 pm
osprey wrote: Fri Sep 24, 2021 12:11 pm Behold, I Have Returned from a Hike

By Jason HayesSeptember 24, 2021
Friends, family, followers—gather whatever posts you possess of your pets or fancy latte art, and lay them at the altar of my nascent wilderness infatuation. I demand a sacrifice! There is a new force dominating your social media, clad in breathable synthetics, as our ancestors foretold.

If perchance you were wondering which of your acquaintances exchanged intimate whispers with Nature this weekend, while also besting it in an assertive display of athleticism, it was I. If you were wondering who among you felt the wind tussling their two-hundred-dollar zip-off pants, it was I. Fear not. I have returned intact—with several dozen selfies and the unwarranted belief that if you didn’t walk around in the woods yesterday your life is worthless.

For I, your former associate and now idol, went for a hike. Gaze upon my photos and weep.

Go ahead, scroll through this selection of pictures and question the depth of your inner life. It seems quite shallow, does it not? I even included one photo that doesn’t feature my face or a glimpse of my heat rash. Instead, it’s of a trail that I assure you appeared way steeper in real life, or maybe of a leaf that I thought looked really neat. I added it to convey the majesty of nature, because this experience wasn’t just about me—although I look great in a full-brim hat—it was about all of us.

That’s right. I just referenced the collective human experience. I waded deep into the primordial waters, and now I’m like Henry David Thoreau or Edward Abbey. Suddenly, I have strong opinions about how you should lead your life and I want to text them to you in all caps. That nine-to-five is a hamster wheel, man. Get out and break free! Release that fluffy, domesticated hamster somewhere it can truly thrive: the wilderness.

I’ve moved beyond the world you live in. I cut the tether. It was just me, the great outdoors, and the phone I relied on heavily for navigation, documentation, and a podcast to take my mind off how much sweat was pooling around my lower back. Nothing can compare to the type of awareness you feel when you take out your headphones and realize that someone has been trying to pass you for a mile.

Behold, my picture of the summit! While I’ve mastered several poses—such as Stoically Standing with Hands on Hips, which exhibits the resilience of the human spirit, and Looking Just Left of Camera with Open Smile, which suggests that sitting in a plague of mosquitoes is just one of those things which make me giggle—they weren’t quite right for this occasion. I have instead selected Stepping into a Sunbeam, because there was a break in the clouds and this natural landscape is just a playground of f***ing wonder. You’re welcome. Also, yes, it rained, but I assure you that it was more enriching to the soul than the stupid drizzle you got in town.

Join me, friends. It’s not too late for you. You can still be like me. I could loan you this book on how to find food in a snowstorm and take shelter in a rainstorm. There are only storms where we’re going. We could carpool. I’ll bring the bug spray. We’ll leave early, of course. Shall I pick you up at, say, five?
?
Shrooms apparently be extra potent these days.
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Re: Example of how to do your first TR.

Post by OldTrad »

This reminds me of a TR posted a few years ago - someone describing their journey to work one morning.
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