I walked into my dingy office and the phones were already ringing off the hook. I'd had to install 47 new phones to handle all the complaints about DEI in the past month, and of those 47 phones 118 were ringing all 30 hours of the day. DEI even screwed up the physics and mathematical constants of the universe, you see. "Goddamn," I said to myself, picking up 9 of the phones and listening to the screeching voices of the damned on the other side. I'd pick up more phones but the DEI safety laws stipulated capital punishment for answering 10 or more phones at once, unless of course they were Woke Obama Phones(TM)(C)(R). I deciphered the baleful moaning from one of the callers: DEI had called little Suzy a whore. Truly disgraceful. I hadn't even hung up my trench coat and fedora before another caller said DEI had kicked his puppy, and then he started crying. DEI strikes again.Monte Meals wrote: ↑Mon Apr 29, 2024 8:23 pm ^ "Completely unrelated, but its right there under About->JEDAI tab on the header. Broken link from the main 'about' section because it has been renamed. Seems they were so ashamed they made it even more prominent...."
OK, so it says:
"In 2015 the Center created a Justice, Equity, Diversity, Accessibility and Inclusion committee to work with
Center leadership and staff in facilitating the growth and strength of justice, equity, diversity, accessibility
and inclusion in all areas of our organization."
All right, please explain why "Justice, Equity, Diversity, Accessibility and Inclusion" (JEDAI) supports
the savaging of domestic live stock.
I didn't even bother listening to the rest of the calls. I knew all 92 were calling about the same thing: how they'd been tied up and gagged by DEI wolves who forced them to watch as their cows were devoured, disemboweled, decapitated, eviscerated, emasculated, destroyed, decimated, massacred, obliterated, routed from their homes, devastated, rent limb from limb, ground to dust, poisoned, hacked to pieces, annihilated, wiped-out, genocided, erased, eliminated, demolished, ravaged, shattered, blasted, disintegrated, felled, killed, razed, wasted, gutted, ruined, exterminated, extinguished, extirpated, and other DEI words that start with ex, abolished, vanquished, made lifeless, voided, perished, eradicated, and made utterly extinct. "Goddamn," I said to myself.
"Goddamn," I said to myself as I drove the dusty road through the blasted landscape towards Farmer Joe's Happy Cow Farm of Happy Cows. I could already see the mountain of dead cows slowly rising above the horizon, and I was 200 miles away. The mountain - nay, a veritable volcano of dead cows, spurting even more dead cows in a constant stream of bones, guts, blood, gore, viscera, eyeballs, intestines, spleens, hooves, heads, tongues, filet mignon, tails, hearts, brains, lungs, livers, and the shattered hopes and dreams of a generation, fouling the landscape. This was all the fault of DEI, as was both World Wars, the enshitification of country music by Taylor Swift, the fact that I wasn't a billionaire like Hero of the State Elon Musk, and of course little Suzy being called a whore and that one guy's puppy getting kicked. "Goddamn," I said to myself.
"Goddamn," I said to myself as I pulled into Farmer Joe's Happy Cow Farm of Happy Cows. The wolves had utterly taken over the place. There wasn't a single cow left alive. The wolves had done such a thorough job there were negative cows. In fact now that a wolf was president and sat upon his cow bone throne picking his canines with another cow bone the words cow, bovine, heifer, and cattle had all been made illegal. How PC of the wolves, how very DEI! I got out of my jalopy and immediately a wolf bit me on the leg and wouldn't let go. There was nothing I could do. I just had to let it gnaw, chew, chomp, nibble, munch, masticate, and otherwise eat my leg off because DEI had made it so even thinking about not letting a wolf do literally anything its black and evil heart desired was a crime worthy of punishment by destruction of my lineage seven generations back and seven generations forward. That's right, DEI was so insidious it would time travel back and murder the previous seven generations and also let the next seven generations be born for the express purpose of murdering them. "Goddamn," I said to myself, trying as hard as possible not to thought crime the wolf now tearing at the ragged stump of my leg.
"Goddamn," I said to myself as Farmer Joe dragged himself over to me with one arm. His other arm and both legs were of course capped by wolves viciously consuming him mind, body, and soul. The farmyard was littered with the half-eaten carcasses of tens, hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions, tens of millions, hundreds of millions, billions, tens of billions, hundreds of billions, trillions, tens of trillions, hundreds of trillions, quadrillions, tens of quadrillions, hundreds of quadrillions, quintillions, tens of quintillions, hundreds of quintillions, sextillions, tens of sextillions, hundreds of sextillions, septillions, tens of septillions, hundreds of septillions, octillions, tens of octillions, hundreds of octillions, nonillions, tens of nonillions, hundreds of nonillions, decillions, tens of decillions, hundreds of decillions, undecillions, tens of undecillions, hundreds of undecillions, duodecillions, tens of duodecillions, hundreds of duodecillions, tredecillions, tends of tredecillions, maybe even hundreds of tredecillions of them. "Goddamn," said Farmer Joe. "I've been had, conned, beguiled, bilked, duped, hoodwinked, swindled, tricked, deceived, and bamboozled! These wolves will consume everything like a cancerous plague, spreading darkness across the municipality, the county, the state, the country, the continent, the Earth, the solar system, the galaxy, the local group, the universe, and the multiverse!" I vomited, acutely aware of the truth in Farmer Joe's apocalyptic words. "Goddamn," I said. "We are fucked." "Goddamn," Farmer Joe agreed. "Goddamn," I whispered bitterly, gazing at the blood red sun, half blotted out by the mountain of carcasses. "Goddamn," I said.
I'd been through this before. You see, I had come from Montana, where there were no cows left at all. None, zero, nada, zilch, squat. The DEI wolves had killed and eaten every single last cow, every single one! There were none left! NONE! Don't believe the lying liberals who tell you there's 1,270,000 cows in Montana! That is a vicious lie straight from the bowels of Hell and Satan himself. I'd moved then to Wyoming, after the utter extinction of cows in Montana, and encountered the same thing. There wasn't a single happy heifer in Wyoming either, certainly not the 671,000 that those lying libs want you to believe! And now it was happening here in Colorado, too! There were negative cows in Colorado thanks to DEI! "Goddamn!," I said, vomiting again, thinking about there not being a single cow left. It was under the orders of DEI that vomiting occur on a regular basis. I dare not defy the unimaginable power of DEI, our new God, having replaced God himself and all cows, plus physics and mathematics. It was a sickening thought, not having any cows, hence my repeatedly being sick. And all because of DEI... "Goddamn," I said one last time as a pack of bloodthirsty wolves began violently tearing chunks of flesh from my body. "DEI, how could you do this!" I shouted as a cloud of blood and smoke from our burning civilization finally blacked out the sun forever. "Godddaaaaaaaaaaammmmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
